Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation “It’s the end of the world! The end is here!” shouted the unit clerk as she pulled out clumps of her hair and rocked in her chair. This sort of thing is normal for a unit clerk so I wasn’t too alarmed until I saw the nurses tearing their scrubs and […]

(Some schools offer students the chance to rotate in the Emergency Department in third year while some only offer it as an elective in fourth year.-PB) Emergency Medicine Your Real Responsibilities: Nothing. You’re a medical student. You don’t count. But that’s all right. We’re happy to have you. It’s true you’re not much help but […]

(Disclaimer: I hated surgery with the burning fire of a thousand suns so you may have a different experience-PB) General Surgery Your Real Responsibilities: Nothing. You’re a medical student. You don’t count. Your job on the surgery team is to be the butt of jokes and to give everybody someone to laugh at. Hey, I […]

Anonymous writes: “Say, Uncle Panda, you’ve convinced me that medical training blows and that the only difference between being somebody’s prison girlfriend and residency is that your cell-mate/husband usually lets you sleep after he sodomizes you. Are there any good things about your job? “ Excellent question. Naturally, it is easier and more interesting to […]

Fast Freddie Johnson and the Man The patient, a young black man, eyed me suspiciously. Apart from telling me that his name was Kareem, he had said very little during the initial assessment in the trauma bay and had made it to the CT scanner and back without saying more than ten words, total, to […]

Feel Free To Use These… (As many of you know, the personal statement on your AMCAS application is an important piece of the medical school admission puzzle. A good personal statement can land you an interview while a bad one can make an otherwise strong candidate look insipid. I was going through my computer and […]

Internal Medicine (“Medicine”) Your Real Responsibilities: Nothing. You’re a medical student. Remember those red-shirted crew members on Star Trek? That’s kind of like you. Your only function is to walk around filling out the scene. Sometimes bad things will happen to you, sometimes you will provide comic relief, but mostly you will just fade into […]

Pediatrics Your Real Responsibilities: Nothing. You’re a medical student. You don’t count. I hear that in Arizona they’re going to replace medical students with migrant workers. Sure, they’ll have to pay them minimum wage but this is peanuts compared to the cost of educating a medical student. This way the hospital will save money, the […]

Obstetrics and Gynecology (OB/Gyn) Your Real Responsibilities: Nothing. You’re a student and you don’t count. Every medical student in the hospital could vanish and apart from less crowding on the elevators, nobody would notice. Your Pretend Responsibilities: Following pregnant woman pre-, ante-, and post-partum. Assisting in vaginal and Cesarean deliveries. Assisting in gynecological surgeries including […]